then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
