On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
