Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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