She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
