Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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