sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize