So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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