She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
