girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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