It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
