fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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