Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
