I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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