i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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