like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
