You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
