Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
