i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
