Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
