Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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