Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
