also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
