I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize