whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No subtext here. People are naked.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
