u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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