I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
