I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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