I puked a lego.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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