apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your cock deserves a montage
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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