i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
