CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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