So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
