I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
