There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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