If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
