***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
