He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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