I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
