Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
