I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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