I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
