we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
