i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
