you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize