i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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