I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
