My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
