I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
