How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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