I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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