I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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