Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
