Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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