fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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