Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
