did you get engaged???
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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