I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
