my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
