wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
