I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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