yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
