How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
