Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
