I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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