Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize