I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize