he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We are all done wearing pants today
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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