all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
