I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
