apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
