I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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