I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
