My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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