there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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