I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
