He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
