It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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