I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
