I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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