someone threw a dead crab at me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
