your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
